On this page:
Assumption of Power | Beware Ye Young Romans...| Body Sacrosanct | Bonding Process (Human mating behavior) | Facts about Rape | Five Stages of Violent Crime | High Risk Behavior | High Risk Behavior and Profit | High Risk Behavior and Rape | Lethal Force to Prevent Rape | Rapist profile | Reduced Capacities | Personal Responsibility vs. Blame | Priorities/Escape | Provoking An Attack | Pyramid of Personal Safety | Safe Dating | Self-Defense | Self-Defense Training | Stopping Break-in Rapists | Unintended Consequences | Using Ineffective Violence To Stop Rape | Using Deadly Force to Protect Yourself | Western Ethics and Prohibitions About Using Force | Women's Self Defense Training isn't ... | What To Do To Avoid Rape

Here at NNSD, our goal is not damage control, it is prevention. There are many qualified organizations and groups who will help a woman who has been raped with putting her life back together and dealing with rape trauma syndrome (a form of PTSD). They will also help her pursue legal action against her assailant. After a rape occurs establishing emotional stability and a person getting her world back together is desperately needed. This is what we mean by 'damage control.' Those organizations do a wonderful job doing just that.

But that's not what we're about. What we are about is to keep you from being raped in the first place. Our attitude is simple:

No damage control is ever as good as prevention.

As astounding as it may sound, that attitude puts us at odds with many of the popular agendas about rape and their advocates. What you are going to read on these pages is extremely controversial. In fact, this section has been the source of not only the most hate e-mail we've received, but the most virulent. The reasons we've been taken off so many people's Christmas card list is because in order to prevent something you have to be pragmatic. Sometimes, uncomfortably so.

And that brings us to the third reason we're not well liked by people who are more emotional than pragmatic about this subject. The behavior of everyone involved. In order to help you avoid being raped, we need to take a good hard look at how rape occurs, rather than how people think it happens.  Because the difference between how you think it happens and how it actually happens can be the same difference as to whether you are raped or not.

Any number of women think of rape as a stranger jumping out of the bushes and sexually assaulting her. This is a good news and bad news situation.

The good news is that the "jump out the bushes rapist is
         A) the rarest type and
         B) the easiest to avoid and prevent.

The same measures that keep you from being robbed will protect you from being sexually assaulted in this manner. So the odds of this happening to you are pretty rare to start with and a little bit of knowledge and a few simple, commonsense measures will greatly reduce those odds even further.

Now, for the really good news, if you are not associating with a certain kind of people or engaging in high risk behaviors, the odds of you being raped plummet close to zero. 

Unfortunately, that is the last of the good news. The bad news is that the reality of rape is not simple. It is, in fact, a complex problem. And complex problems seldom, if ever,  have simple solutions. 

An undisputed truth is that "stranger" rapes only constitute a minute number of rapes. An overwhelming majority of sexual assaults occur between people who know one another. Sometimes intimately, sometimes peripherally, but it is someone you have regular dealings with.

That means it is not just a simple "crime" nearly as much as it's a twisted extension and extreme of human interaction. That is where things start getting complicated.

With that complication, however, comes a very important point: The very fact that it is a matter of human interaction gives you influence on what happens -- including whether or not it even happens.  Rape is not something that just happens out of the clear blue sky. This means: Being sexually assaulted  is something you have a large degree of control over whether or not it happens to you.

But this control is a double edged sword; your decisions, words and actions have a major effect -- for both good and bad results. What you do effects the outcome. Therefore a big part of not being raped is based on what you do to prevent putting yourself into a situation where you could be raped! And if you do find yourself in a developing rape situation doing effective action to prevent it.

Assumption of Power
Do women have power? We believe they do. However, often the nature of power is misunderstood - especially by the young.

Beware Ye Young Romans, Who Would Venture Among Barbarians
One of the bigger mistakes young people can make is to assume that because they are breaking 'the rules' of where they come from, that there are NO rules at all. This is especially true when it comes to 'partying.' No matter where you go, there are rules. And violating those rules has consequences -- especially in less-than-civilized circles. Using the analogy of Romans and Barbarians we discuss how your assumptions about people will behave can get you into deep trouble  

Body Sacrosanct
Inherent in the paradigm of certain people (especially within certain cultural and socio-economic levels) is the assumption that their body is sacrosanct. They believe they cannot be touched without their consent, much less attacked. This core belief can -- and does -- have a strong influence on their actions. Actions that often increase their danger. Unfortunately, this unconscious paradigm greatly adds to the trauma of being assaulted.

Bonding Process (Human Mating Behavior)
Although many claim rape isn't about sex, rape is a parasite that hides within a very normal human behavioral pattern. A process that sex is pivotal to. This page explains Dr Desmond Morris's 12 step 'Bonding Process' and how, via this process humans establish intimacy. Once you know this process, you can see how easily rape can occur when the process goes wrong -- especially date rape.

Facts About Rape
Our attorney has a saying, "Everyone knows what what something means until there is a problem."  By this he means that the same word can have different meanings to different people. This can become a major problem when everyone is using the same word, but meaning different things. Unfortunately, this idea applies in spades to the topic of rape. We discuss the facts, myths and misconceptions about rape

Five Stages of Violent Crime
In order for ANY crime to occur, fundamental criteria need to be developed. It is impossible for a crime to occur if the criteria is not met. In fact, the crime can be non-violently aborted by changing the circumstances to prevent the criteria from being met. The problem is that the same conditions that allow for Bonding Process can be turned into conditions necessary for date rape.  Both date rape and the conditions necessary for acquaintance rape fall into 'The Five Stages of Crime' and are therefore recognizable and actionable.

High Risk Behavior
Let us start by stating our definition of High Risk Behavior isn't based in moralizing. The simple fact is that a wild party girl (who knows the rules) can be safer among bikers than a 'good girl' on a date with a 'Prince Charming' (who isn't). We define High Risk Behavior as: Any behavior that puts you into circumstances where violence is probable. It's what you do in those circumstances that will determine whether or not you will be attacked.

High Risk Behavior and Perceived Profit
Whether you use the "violence is probable" or the "moralizing" definition of High Risk Behavior there is self-interest underlying the decision making process. To be more specific the perception of self-interest -- unintended consequences are a whole different issue. Still we can never underestimate of the appeal of HRB. Because face it, often high risk behavior is fun.

High Risk Behavior And Rape
Politics, religion, gun control, abortion, they have nothing over the kind of frothing-at-the-mouth fanaticism that you'll encounter when you bring up the subject of high risk behavior and rape. Well, we hate to be the ones to break tradition, but we're going to take a rational look at the subject.

Lethal Force to Prevent Rape
A big reason why we advocate rape avoidance is that ... realistically ... you may have to kill someone to prevent him from raping you. That is a horrible set of choices to have to make, but it is a reality of what it can take not to be raped.

Personal responsibility vs. Blame vs. Rights
When it comes to rape a HUGE conflict exists over the issues of personal responsibility, rights and blame. In fact, it is nearly impossible to talk about this subject without a fight breaking out. What one person considers to be personal responsibility, another feels is trying to 'blame the victim.'  The issue has become so heated and controversial that most people are afraid to talk about it. Our attitude is that since you are the one who is likely to get raped if you don't take some personal responsibility, it's worth talking about.

Priorities/Escape
Establishing your priorities and escaping from a potential rape