The rapist is entirely to blame for his actions.
He is out of control. He is like a runaway train
rushing down the tracks, about to crush whoever
and whatever is before him. Having said all of that,
GET OFF THE TRACKS! You don't try to fight a
runaway train, you avoid getting hit by it.
On this page:
Afraid To Call For Help* |
Our approach* |
Why our approach pisses off so many people |
A Look at How Rape Really Happens |
Assumption of Power |
Beware Ye Young Romans... |
Body Sacrosanct |
Bonding Process (Human mating behavior) |
Disneyland State Of Mind/ Hermit Crabs * |
Facts about Rape |
Five Stages of Violent Crime * |
High Risk Behavior |
High Risk Behavior and Profit |
High Risk Behavior and Rape |
Home Invasion * |
Is It REALLY About Self-Defense? * |
Lethal Force to Prevent Rape |
Rapist profile |
Positive and Negatives rights* |
Reduced Capacities * |
Personal Responsibility vs. Blame |
Provoking An Attack |
Pyramid of Personal Safety |
Safe Dating |
Self-Defense Training* |
Stopping Break-in Rapists |
Unintended Consequences |
Using Ineffective Violence To Stop Rape * |
Using Deadly Force to Protect Yourself |
Western Ethics and Prohibitions About Using Force |
Women's Self Defense Training isn't ... |
What YOU Can To Do To Avoid Rape*
Here at NNSD, our goal is rape prevention, not damage control.
What we're about is: What you can do to keep from getting raped.
about changing society, lobbying, politics, trauma, therapy or raising awareness.
Again, we're here to help you not be sexually assaulted. We're pretty
unapologetic about this approach.
Rape is an act that happens between individuals. As such, you have much more
power and control -- and yes, responsibility -- about making sure it doesn't happen
to you. In our book, that's empowerment. That's power and agency. We'd like
to see you keep those, grow and develop them.
On the other hand, we've seen the trauma and damage rape causes.
It's not... pleasant. If you've gone through it, you
have our condolences. If you're ready to keep it from happening to
you again... well, we can help. If you haven't faced a sexual
assault, our goal is to help you not become a statistic for advocates
or a customer for victim counselors.
What do we mean by 'damage control?' After a rape occurs
re-establishing emotional stability and a person getting her world
back together is
needed. There are many organizations and groups who will help a
woman who has been raped with putting her life back together and
to deal with rape trauma syndrome (a form of
PTSD). They will also help (and encourage) her to pursue
legal action against her assailant. Those organizations can
help a woman deal with the trauma immediately after being sexually
assaulted.We understand that and respect the efforts of such
organizations to help women who have been targeted by sexual
Having said that, recovery is something else we're not about.
You should also know, the subject of rape has not only gone
political and ideological, but also big money (for profit,
non-profit and funding). That colors much
of the information out there. Unlike many
other sources, we're not here to raise your awareness, educate you
about rape culture, decry oppression, call you to action or preach what is wrong with society.
We're especially not on about post modern ideals about women's rights or
patriarchal oppression. In short, we're not interesting in changing society,
laws or recruiting you to the 'Cause.'
Again, what we are about is to keep you
from being raped. Period. Full stop.
As astounding as it may sound, this goal puts us at odds
with many of the popular
agendas about rape, rape education and the organizations that
promote such. They need victims. There's no money to be made if
people aren't raped. Prevention is bad
for their business. If you're safe, that's okay. We can live with not making a buck off
Also know we're not real popular with people who put their feelings and
rights first. We're way outside both their comfort zone and power base.
There's a lot of resistance to avoidance strategies in certain circles.
It's deemed infringing on someone's rights. A common response is
"Why should I have to...?"
About that, after a lifetime of going tooth-and-claw stopping violent
people and criminals, we can definitely say what it takes to stop an
attack is outside most people's comfort zone. Realize we're talking about having
to gouge a would-be rapist's eyeball out to stop him from raping
you. That's if you don't have a weapon. (Oh you didn't know most
states deem rape grievous bodily injury? That's one of
the conditions where maiming and use of lethal force is allowable.)
Stopping someone from raping you isn't about what you want to
do, it's about what you're willing to do -- and doing it.
Two points guide the information we provide:
1) No damage control is ever as good as prevention.
2) By the time a situation gets to sexual assault, ALL of
your options suck.
So what do you say we take a good, long look about not putting
yourself into circumstances where you'd have to pop
someone's eyeball out?
Afraid To Call Parents For Help
Raw fact of life, teenaged girls are the most likely to get raped. Another raw fact
usually there's booze and drugs involved. They're in a
situation and know something is wrong, but
they don't call you to come and get them. Why? Because they're more afraid
of your anger about their underage drinking or getting high. Rape is a vague threat to the young.
On the other hand, your anger is far more real to them. So what happens? They
don't call you for help and bad things happen.
A Look at How Rape Really Happens
Any number of women think of rape as a stranger jumping out of the
bushes and sexually assaulting her. This is a good news and bad news
The good news is that the "jump out the bushes rapist is
A) the rarest type and
B) the easiest to avoid and prevent.
The same measures that keep you from being robbed
will protect you from being sexually assaulted in this manner.
So the odds of this happening to you
are pretty rare to start with and a little bit of
knowledge and a few simple,
common sense measures will greatly reduce those odds even
Now, for the really good news, if you are not associating
with a certain
kind of people or engaging in
high risk behaviors, the odds of you being raped plummet
close to zero.
Unfortunately, that is the last of the good news.
The bad news is that the
reality of rape
is not simple. It is, in fact, a
complex problem. And complex problems seldom, if ever, have
An undisputed truth is that stranger rapes only constitute
a minute number of rapes. An overwhelming majority of sexual
assaults occur between people who know one another.
Sometimes intimately, sometimes peripherally, but it is someone
you have regular dealings with. That means it is not just a simple "crime" nearly as
much as it's a twisted extension and extreme
of human interaction.
That is where -- like I said -- things start getting complicated.
With that complication, however, comes a very important
point: The very fact that it
is a matter of human interaction gives you influence
on what happens -- including whether or not it even happens.
Rape is not something that just happens out of the clear blue
sky. This means: Being sexually assaulted is something you have
degree of control over whether or not it happens to
But this control is a double edged sword; your decisions,
words and actions have a major effect -- for both
good and bad results. What you do affects the outcome.
Therefore a big part of not
being raped is based on what you do
to prevent putting
yourself into a situation where you could be raped!
And -- if you find yourself in a developing rape situation
-- doing effective action
to prevent it.
While that could mean getting out of there by hook or crook, it can
also mean having to physically hurt someone. Up to and including killing
Beginning to see why we're such big fans of avoidance?
Assumption of Power
Do women have power? We believe they do. However, often the
nature of power is misunderstood - especially by
Beware Ye Young Romans Among Barbarians
One of the bigger mistakes young people can make is to assume
that because they are breaking 'the rules' of where
they come from, that there are NO rules at all. This is
especially true when it comes to 'partying.' No matter where you
go, there are rules. And violating those rules has
consequences -- especially in less-than-civilized circles. Using
the analogy of
Romans and Barbarians we discuss how your assumptions about
people will behave can get you into deep trouble.
Inherent in the paradigm of certain people (especially within
certain cultural and socio-economic levels) is the assumption
body is sacrosanct. They believe they cannot be touched
without their consent, much less attacked. This core belief can
-- and does -- have a strong influence on their actions. Actions
that often increase their danger. Unfortunately, this
unconscious paradigm greatly adds to the trauma of being
Bonding Process (Human Mating Behavior)
Although many claim rape isn't about sex, rape is
a parasite that hides within a very normal human behavioral
pattern. A process that sex is pivotal to. This page explains Dr
Desmond Morris's 12 step 'Bonding Process' and how, via this
establish intimacy. Once you know this process, you can see
how easily rape can occur when the process goes wrong --
especially date rape.
Disneyland State Of Mind/ Hermit Crab Thinking
Silly names, dangerous mindsets. These are attitudes that many people
unwittingly fall into. The problem is the danger is buried under the 'more important' issues
of having fun or going about your business. It's a small step from these
attitudes to violence.
Facts About Rape
Our attorney has a saying, "Everyone knows what what something
means until there is a problem." By this he means that the same
word can have different meanings to different people. This can
become a major problem when everyone is using the same word,
but meaning different things. Unfortunately, this idea
applies in spades to the topic of rape. We discuss the facts,
misconceptions about rape.
Five Stages of Violent Crime
In order for ANY crime to occur, fundamental criteria need to be
developed. It is impossible for a crime to occur if the
criteria is not met. In fact, the crime can be non-violently
aborted by changing the circumstances to prevent the criteria
from being met. The problem is that the same conditions that
allow for Bonding Process can be turned into conditions
necessary for date rape. Both date rape and the conditions
necessary for acquaintance rape fall into
'The Five Stages of Crime' and are therefore
recognizable and actionable.
High Risk Behavior
Let us start by stating our definition of High Risk Behavior
isn't based in moralizing. The simple fact is that a wild party
girl (who knows the rules) can be safer among bikers than a
'good girl' on a date with a 'Prince Charming' (who isn't). We
High Risk Behavior as:
Any behavior that puts you into circumstances where violence is
probable. It's what you do in those circumstances
that will determine whether or not you will be attacked.
High Risk Behavior and Perceived Profit
Whether you use the "violence is probable" or the "moralizing"
definition of High Risk Behavior there is self-interest
underlying the decision making process. To be more specific the
perception of self-interest -- unintended consequences are a
whole different issue. Still we can never underestimate of the
appeal of HRB. Because face it, often
high risk behavior is fun.
High Risk Behavior And Rape
Politics, religion, gun control, abortion, they have nothing
over the kind of frothing-at-the-mouth fanaticism that you'll
encounter when you bring up the subject of
risk behavior and rape. Well, we hate to be the ones to
break tradition, but we're going to take a rational look at the
Raw truth is most serial rapists talk their way into your home. One of the most dangerous
circumstances a woman can face is
home invasion. That's because often the goal isn't just rape.
Is It REALLY About Self-Defense?
A lot of people get into so-called self-defense training for
reasons that have nothing to do with actual self-defense. On the
Is It REALLY about SD? page we take a hard look at an
elephant in room that people don't want to admit to.
Lethal Force to Prevent Rape
Did you know in most states rape is considered 'grievous bodily
injury?' As such the use of lethal force (shooting him in the
face) is allowed?
A big reason why we advocate rape avoidance is that ...
realistically ... you may have to kill someone to prevent him
from raping you. That is a horrible set of choices to have to
make, but it is a reality of what it can take
not to be raped.
Personal responsibility vs. Blame vs. Rights
When it comes to rape a HUGE conflict exists over the issues of
personal responsibility, rights and blame. In fact, it is nearly
impossible to talk about this subject without a fight breaking
out. What one person considers to be personal responsibility,
another feels is trying to 'blame the victim.' The issue has
become so heated and controversial that most people are afraid
to talk about it. Our attitude is that since you are the one who
is likely to get raped if you don't take some personal
it's worth talking about.
Establishing your priorities and
escaping from a potential rape.
Profile of a Potential Rapist
Simply stated, the oft parroted cliché of "All men are potential
rapists!" causes more damage than it prevents. Basically it is
either dismissed as paranoia or it creates paranoia. However,
while it is impossible to predict who will, or won't, rape (or
abuse) there are certain character traits that lend themselves
to these behaviors. While not all men are a
potential rapist or abuser, men with certain characteristics
have a much higher potential. Learn what these characteristics
are and make sure you're never alone with someone who has them.
Positive and Negative 'Rights'
Often the problem isn't with the original idea, but how people decide to take
an idea and run with it. Positive and Negative rights is an idea that people
haven't just grabbed and run with down the street; many were was last seen
crossing the state line (with how far they take it). Oddly enough, most people
haven't even heard of the idea. This even as they are using it
or being abused by someone
who's twisted this controversial interpretation of rights. You've seen the
and negatives rights
twisted if you've ever run into any of the
"I have the right to_____. But you don't have the right to _____" ,
"I don't have to ____, but you have to____",
" _______ (someone else's service or property) is a human right," or
"I shouldn't have to _________."
When it comes to rape, this screwed up idea is one of the
fastest way for a woman to put herself at high risk of being raped.
Provoking An Attack
Here's another reason we're not on the Christmas Card List of so
many rape advocates. But a raw truth is that rape is often
substituted for a man beating a woman senseless -- as he would
do to another man. He is attacking out of fury and rage
over the woman's actions. When the outrage of it being a sexual
assault is removed, the pre-assault behavior of both
parties is common to what is known as a FIGHT! And that old saw
"It takes two to fight" comes home to roost. Putting it bluntly,
there are certain behaviors that
will get you attacked! The reason this link is on the Rape
Page, is that after engaging in these behaviors it is not
uncommon -- like the loser of a fight -- for the rape 'victim'
to blame the attacker. When in fact, the assault could have been
Pyramid of Personal Safety
The Pyramid of Personal Safety is a comprehensive, multi-level
approach to ways to ensure your safety. Once you understand the
basic idea behind it is extremely
easy to put into effect.
It's hard to avoid being raped if through drugs and alcohol
you've reduced your capacities to out maneuver, out think and
resist a rapist . Some rule of thumb rules about
What can you do to decrease potential problems on a date?
Safe dating tips
Self-defense is a smaller subtopic of the larger issue of
personal safety. But even then many people have serious
misconceptions about what
So how do you find good self defense training? Here's a quick
rundown of what needs to be in a good self defense training
program, much less a women's self defense program. If these
points aren't being taught, it isn't
Stopping Break-in Rapists
First things first, we're going to tell you to check out the
Home Invasion page. If you're not scared, you don't understand the danger.
Having said that, the really good news is that the same precautions that will stop
a burglar will stop a break in rapist. With a few simple steps you can
protect yourself from both.
Why is it so traumatic when things go violent? A huge part of
the problem is that most people were not only not mentally
prepared for violence to occur, but because of how they were
thinking that option wasn't even considered. As such they face
both the shock and trauma of the violence, but also the
psychological fall into
Using Ineffective Violence To Stop Sexual Assault
Should you resist? We vote 'yes.' But understand what you need
to do in order to
Western Ethics and Self-Defense
Often popular Western philosophy is diametrically opposite to
what you have to do to survive. Before you can reconcile these
differences you need to take a look at what they are and
where they come from.
Women's Self Defense Training is NOT a substitute for Therapy
Many people come to WSD training without a clear idea of what is
involved in that which they want to protect themselves from.
While they know they don't want to be raped or attacked, they
don't know the technicalities of how these acts happen.
Therefore they don't know whether or not they are receiving
reliable -- or even germane -- information. Unfortunately, many
WSD programs have shifted away from nuts and bolts information
about crime and rape prevention and now focus on "empowerment."
Many now provide courses that are functionally pop-psychology
courses on self-esteem building. Which, while it may make you
feel good, does very little about keeping you safe from
violence. This page is takes a hard look at trying to solve
personal and emotional issues through
What To Do To Avoid Being Raped
Here we provide a nuts-and-bolts list of strategies, tricks and
get out of being raped.
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