Remember our definition of high risk behavior? Any behavior that puts you into circumstances where violence is probable.

Wow, we're not moralizing about how women shouldn't go out and drink or party. And neither are we saying that a woman has the right to walk naked into a biker bar and not be molested (the two extremes when it comes to the subject of rape). That's because we tend to take a more pragmatic approach to the problem of rape.

In rape advocacy circles, there is an often bandied around a puddle profundity (something that seems profound, but is actually as deep a puddle in a parking lot). That is: Rape is about power and control.

Aside from the logical fallacies, pop psychology basis and inherent psychic ability of those uttering this cliché, we have another major problem with it.

WHAT ISN'T?

Humans, being social animals, are very much interested in social status, power and controlling their environment! Gee, what else is about power and control? Fighting? Yes. Status displays? Yes. Political maneuvering? Yes. Business strategies? War? Most definitely. Social one-ups-manship. Pecking orders. Sports. Debate. Arguing. Snide comments about other people ... the list is endless.

Now what does this have to do with the price of tea in China?  The raw truth is that there are many motivations for rape -- including as an alternative to beating her senseless. As a man would do to another man who has infuriated him. We are not talking about a simple subject, we are talking about something that is not only complex by itself, but part of other subjects. That is why we feel it is impossible to cover the subject in a nice tidy little cliché. Sure you can memorize any number of them, but ...

they will not keep you from being raped.

The following subjects are all germaine to different roads that lead to rape. You do have the ability to keep from being raped, but that is going to take a little preplanning on your part.

Anger
2,000 years ago Horace wrote "Anger is a form of short madness." Now modern science has proved that statement to be true. Anger is a temporary form of insanity. An emotional state that blinds you to anything but what is going on inside you. Unfortunately in the grip of anger it is easy to cross over into being aggressive and provoking an attack. It is critical to realize how your anger can make you violent, even though you never physically touched someone.

Putting Yourself In Dangerous Situations Without The Correct Mindset
When it comes to rape prevention, there is NO bigger can of worms than this subject. That is because inherent to many women's attitude is "It can't happen to me."

The attitude that it can't happen to you brings a thunderin' herd of complicating factors. Why should you bother to take precautions if it won't happen anyway? Do you wear garlic around your neck to keep away the vampires? Then why worry about being raped -- especially if you're having a good time?

Accompanying the belief that it can't happen to you are many other assumptions, such as you're untouchable, that even though you're breaking the rules that others will behave, that you can handle yourself, that you're in control, that even though someone does uncool things he won't do them to you, that even if things do go wrong you'll be able to stop him and that you are conscious aware of everything that is going on sexually.

These attitudes leave a woman especially vulnerable ... not only to being raped, but actually magnify the trauma. While there is no such thing as a small trauma, certain pre-assault attitudes make it worse. We liken this increase in trauma to the injury of falling into an empty pool vs. high diving into the same empty pool.

Here's our point. Yes, you can have fun. Yes, you can live a life without paranoia. Yes you can be an assertive and empowered woman. And yes you can live a life without getting raped. But that is going to take a little work on your part.

Danger, Responsibility and Safety
As we've mentioned many times elsewhere, one of the hardest things about self-defense is shifting gears out of a emotional state and realizing that the danger has become physical. Simply stated most people do not live lives where physical violence  is a common occurrence. We don't expect to be assaulted over what we say or do. When that happens, instead of accepting that our actions contributed to the situation, we seek to assign blame. The problem with this approach is that while it protects our world view, it doesn't teach us how to maneuver safely in the real world.

A large part of personal safety is first recognizing that our actions have power -- for both good and bad. The next part is recognizing when a situation  is heading towards violence and shifting our priorities accordingly.

Sexual Power
In this site we spend a great deal of time talking about safe dating and how to get out of being raped. We also talk about understanding sex in the context of an extremely strong drive, a process that is not just for the sex. This is extremely important because many people have misconceptions about rape.

The drive we just mentioned is extremely primitive, wildly passionate (and romantic) as well as being a vital part of our long term psychological balance and stability.  Saying that this is 'a powerful force' is like saying the Titanic sprung a small leak ... a massive understatement. This drive has been the obsession of poets, artists, moralists, freaks and perverts through out history. It is also an area that is strongly addressed by cultural protocols and religious/ethical dictates.

As we grow and mature both men and women tend to learn how to cope with this drive. By this we mean socially, in our relationships and within ourselves. However, young females upon discovering this new and fascinating power they have often use it unwisely.

We are not going to moralize or lecture about this. And we encourage parents not to do so either. In the grip of this powerful drive social prohibitions really don't help. Both young males and females can 'think' with their genitals -- and this drive is stronger than you saying "Don't do it."

Keeping silent about the subject and hoping that young people will find their way through this period without getting in trouble is also a pipedream. Therefore we encourage parents to acquaint themselves with the issues we cover in this site and then explain to the young people in their lives how to engage in responsible behavior and how to stay safe while having fun.

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